chiqolatez's Xanga

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 11:26:38 GMT

please refer to www.chiqolatez.blogspot.com for current updates...

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 08:53:16 GMT

hmm.. glad that my last entry actually encouraged someone.. cheerz ben! actually.. I came back to delete/edit it, but I guess I won't do that now..

Things have changed in the last 24 hrs, since I posted my last blog.. Blame that emotionally-charged entry on my PMS-induced mood swings.. Anyways.. What I really wanna say today is.. Its truly miraculous how things WILL turn around as soon as you place it into God's faithful n able hands.. I broke down yesterday night at home because I felt tired, I felt messy (my life, not mE ), I felt helpless.

My exams are in a few days. In all honesty, I admit that I have Not done well this semester. Maybe I've been over-confident, lazy, and just too fun-loving.. I don't blame anyone but myself. Do I regret skipping half my classes this semester and only starting to study this week? Yes.. and no. But I'm paying it for now, cos all 4 of my subjects this semester require a lot of memorization.. and it hasn't been easy. But I thank God - He alwiz provides and He's full of mercy and grace.. Yup mercy and grace come when you definitely Don't deserve it ya know.. I've been blessed with support, study partners (hehe), and .. *ahem* good memory power

Anyways.. additionally, I have to write my church's Christmas play script by this Friday.. Haven't started, although the story line is there.. Once again, I thank God cos all my church friends are VeRy supportive and understanding.. right guys..!?! Anyways.. its all a team effort..

Besides that, I had a few.. errm... relationship probs.. with friends.. Won't go into details, cos its settled. And it really opened my eyes (and heart?) to a lot of things.. This is true: No one is perfect and you can choose to accept/forgive/forget.. or walk away. And walking away simply means losing friends. In the end, its my loss not theirs. Its not that I'm feeling so desperate for friends, but thats what friendship is all about.. yeah? Accepting each other as we are, not turning away when the going doesn't suit you. I apologize for whatever mistakes I've made - if any of my friends are reading this right now.. Just wanna say sorry for any words & actions & mistakes that I've made in the past.. That includes in the long history since we've known each other...

I kinda feel that my eyes are really being opened up to a lot of things lately.. Hmm.. maybe I'm (finally?) growing up.. Life is NOT a box of chocolates (cos chocolates are nice.. and life is not alwiz nice..).. But.. it is true that you never know what you're gonna get.. and choices are alwiz there.. Kinda feel I'm being forced, or rather, taught, to make harder choices nowadays.. Choices which do not end up the easy way out.. but rather, the hard way.. But the end reward is just simply more rewarding.. K.. what am i saying!?!?! Basically.. Its not easy, but I'm being trained to be stronger, and I appreciate every moment, every person, every memory now... To the one person who is teaching me right now to be STRONG.. *hugz*.. You know who you are.. I thought I wanted the easy way out, but life is not like that. Thanks for everything, for being beside me, for supporting me and loving me and encouraging me and helping me..

Okay.. after all that 'heavy' stuff.. Here's a couple of highlights.. We all went to Damansara Perdana (of all places..??) to celebrate Mayyen's birthday today.. I think i talked a LiL too much.. K this is what happens when you've been at home for one whole week.. ya know?? Anyways it was just fun to hang out with the gang again.. study study study!!

GooD LuCk and GoD bLeSs to all of you having exams.. k.. that should be.. to all of US havin exams.. minghuiy.. get well soon!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 02:15:36 GMT

Life is full of surprises at times.

You gain some.. You lose some.

Disappointments and joy are concurrent.

"You can't have your piece of cake and eat it too"

... Why the heck not..?? I always wondered bout this phrase.. Its like.. In normal sense, people buy the cake TO eat it.. right??

Guess it just portrays life as it is.

You can't have it all.

Even if you want to.

Or plan to.

Which is disappointing at times.

You wish you knew where you were going..

what's gonna happen..

who's gonna change..

But then again...

Ignorance is truly bliss.

No wonder kampung people are so content...

Free from the cares of the world..

How I wish I could be like that sometimes..

To just disappear... Away from the people, and noise, and politics, and feelings, and emotions, and thoughts.. that are so abundant in this world.. so abundant but so, so unnecessary at times..

Yet they are still there.. Undeniably, unavoidable..

You give your all.. But it all returns empty.

You give nothing.. And you gain everything.

You deserve nothing.

Both the good and the bad

But you are so, so blessed.

And yet.. so, so hurt.

Life is full of surprises.

You gain some.. You lose some.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 01:02:30 GMT

Damn long never blog ady.. I guess there are three reasons for that: 1) I'm lazy. 2) I'm lazy. 3) I'm lazy. Okay. And there's nothing much going on recently. Okay.. wait. There is a lot. Just.. lazy.

I'm at a crossroads... I really have no idea what's gonna happen in my life next year. And - Phoebe Khoo does NOT like to be left hanging. I alwiz have to know what's gonna happen, my plans, what's going on, etc.. And at the moment - I simply don't know. And it sux!! Okay I'm trying to think positively too I guess.. I am prepared for whatever does happen. If I don't get in, I'll simply stay back for another two years. Omg. That thought makes me wanna cry.. no offense to Malaysia.. If I do get in.. It's simply a matter of when and where to go. Asap. Hopefully. Prayerfully. God knows my heart's desires and everything is in His Hands.. He knows the best.. right?? So.. it's all so simple. Why am I thinking so much..??

Anywaysss... I'm currently in e-commerce class now. Dunno what the heck the lecturer is going on about.. As usual. e-comm sux :( ooh.. lecturer just asked me a question. I crapped. Oopz. Now I'm stuck with making a... greeting cards webpage for the rest of this sem..!?! What da heck man.. Aihhhz!

My family is gonna expand soon... right?? :p Our mother might be getting engaged soon. OKay that sounded bad.. i mean.. my college family.. Lol.. MOther mIngHuIy.. dun think so much and follow your heart k.. I know how it feels.. and in the end, its simply not worth it to layan those feelings and thoughts. If you love him, you love him... Trust youself... and we'll support you no matter who you choose.. we are very understanding children wan... :p hehehe.. *hugz*

Monday, September 27, 2004

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 04:07:13 GMT

-words cannot describe the amazement of Systematic College PJ's annual Dinner n Dance on 24th of September 2004-

..the exhilaration

..the panic before it started

..the success of the nite

..the absolute BLAST i had on stage

..the love and pride i felt for my own Heartthrob.. *wink*

Dear.. Congratulations on winning the award that we all thought was so stupid in the beginning :p Congratulations for being a total success.. and THANK YOU for all the moments we shared.. before.. n after... ;) i Love You -so much- n the nite was the best birthday gift i could receive.. i couldn't have done it without you by my side.. *muakz*

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 01:14:14 GMT

Results are out. Exam results. THE exams which I barely studied for because *ahem* I was 'busy'.. hey hey.. I had the church anniversary dinner to prepare for then, and I totally had No Mood to study, especially when I was in the library everyday............ haha. Okay, anyways.. conclusion is, I did better than I expected but not as good as I wanted. As usual. I know I'm so outrageously pathetic and dumb to think and actually dare to hope that I get straight Distinctions when I barely study. So I don't even deserve to pass, actually. Yes. I admit that. I admit that no study does NOT equal good results. That fact applies for the majority of people. So why shouldn't it apply to me?? Yup. So as all facts go, it came true. My results were not the best. The (only) subject which I expected to score on (Read: The only subject that was 100% coursework, and everyone knows that 100% coursework subjects are almost 100% Distinctions...) did not result in a Distinction. That's Bad you know. That's really demoralizing especially when other students I know previously got Distinctions on this subject. 100% coursework. Everyone gets Distinctions for 100% coursework subjects!! It's an OPEN BOOK ExAM!

Ish.

Ok ok. I am very very grateful for my other results. Actually theres still one subject pending and I kinda have a very bad feeling it might not be a Distinction either. I'm not being negative. I know how well I did (which is not very..) But it seems that Systematic examiners are blind anyway. Or dumb. Or both. So who knows...

Anyways.. this has been a very negative blog. Please forgive me. I'm currently blur after receiving my results. My mind is also very very very preocupied with the Dinner&Dance. It's -omg- only bout 10 days away!!! ahhh...

THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR (I'm trying....):

1. Results. Okay at least I didnt FAIL

2. The D&D planning is on track.. in a way. We MC's just have to get through this week's screening...*prays*

3. It looks like its gonna rain. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY....

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 09:40:59 GMT

Well well well.. I love taking pictures. It really brightens up the atmosphere. It definitely lifts up a bad mood. It's so totally addictive. I think I'll do an online photo album for you all to see.. If anyone is still reading this???? But then again... some pics are really not for the public's eye.. *wink*

Today was Thevika's birthday. I mean.. It still is.. I wish I could say that I was the first person to wish her happy birthday ON her birthday.. After all, I typed the message at 11.59pm and it was delivered at exactly 12am. My time, of course. But.. she's not saying that I am the first person... *hmmph* Nevermind.. I'm sure she had a great birthday... *wink* again.. hehe

We're shifting!! For the FIFTH time since we've moved back to Malaysia.. But, finally.. this will be permanent.. I hope. After all, we spent so much time and MONEY on this new condo.. It should be permanent!! Slept on the floor without any mattress last nite.. Just two pillows, and a blanket. Why? I was SO TIRED!!! Omg.. It's like.. I was totally blur on everything going on in my home (this is wat happens wen ur at college 9am-10pm five days a week..) so I had to pack my whole room in just two hours yesterday.. Luckily a lot of my stuff is still in boxes.. Felt like I just moved.. only stayed in this place for 11 months..

Okay I kinda feel my blog today is MeSsY.. izzit?? dunno lah.. still feeling tired and disoriented.. Gotta go back home to UNpack everything in the new place.. My RoOm Is PiNk n PuRpLe!!! Spent a long day in college today. Did the MC script with michelle n jayson earlier.. yup, dinner n dance is only 3 weeks away and I'm panicking!! Haih.. last minute last minute.. Nevermind, it'll turn out fine.. Everything alwiz does.. right?? *needs assurance.. looks UP.. Yeahhh..*

Monday, August 30, 2004

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 10:51:18 GMT

I DIDN'T GET INTO NATIONAL SERVICE!!!

Okay.. I know a lot of people out there are saying: "See.. I told you so.. How can you possibly get into National Service? You're not, and never were, even registered in a school!"

But anyways - conclusion is: I DIDN'T GET IN and I THANK THANK THANK GOD!!! (Thank You God..)

Actually I didnt even know what, or how it happened.. Everything in the website was in BM so luckily my darling translator was there. Hmm.. He could've told me I got in and I wouldn't have known the difference... blah. ANywAysss.. Just in case you guys are wondering what would've happened if I had really got into NS.. well.. Sayonara (or rather.. Selamat Tinggal..) Malaysia.. (and g'day Australia?) Haha.. OH WELLLSSSS.. I so DUN have to think about that anymore. I'm a happy happy happy person. Happy Merdeka Day everyone. Independence is truly beautiful

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Wed, 25 Aug 2004 00:37:18 GMT

Specifically in reply to Minghuiy's blog (why cant leave comment wan?? Faster put up chatterbox la! :p) :

NOT TRUE!!! U gotta be a lil bolder, a lil more daring.. n definitely hav more faith in urself. As for him, dun think so much cos its quite obvious he likes you. But all guys are different so give him some time. Dun compare to some *other* relationships around you.. seriously, never ever compare. It's really not worth it!! :p And.. we'll do our best to help out k ;p hehe..

(Do I sound like some "dear Big Bro" column??)

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 00:51:59 GMT

I found this interesting story.. Okay I didn't find it, someone sent it to me But I think the moral of the story is interesting.. Here it is:

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress. Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr.Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solvemyour problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."

Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen."

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.

Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again.She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her." Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. Theherbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life through you.

... Interesting story? Kinda got me thinking.. that the sayings "Treat others as you would wanna be treated" is so, so true after all.. After some lessons learned earlier this year, I feel that sometimes it really is better to let go of some certain (negative) feelings/actions/thinking, than to pursue them and, in the end, cause more trouble.. After all, you only live once so what the heck.. Let the negative go and appreciate what you do have I am definitely thankful for the friends, family, and all my surroundings now.. That I do have really special friends around me, I have a family who loves me and provides for me, and I am able to wake up each morning with, quite honestly, very minimal worries and cares.

Okay.. dunno what got me into this sentimental mood at the moment, but I guess once in awhile you have to think back, look around and really appreciate what you've got. Cos one day, things might not be the same anymore. When I was younger, back in Australia, I was.. well, younger.. and there was a time when I thought I knew exactly what I would do and where I was going. I had the next five years planned out, and I had a group of friends that I would never have wanted to let go of. In one night, everything changed when my parents told me we were moving out of the country and all my plans for secondary school were gone.. in a flash.

Now, five years later.. Those friends that I thought I could not live without are somewhere in Brisbane (well one went to America, another one is living in another city..) and I hardly keep in touch with them, except for a couple of close ones. Looking back now, I really thank God for bringing me back here to Malaysia cos guess what.. I experienced more here than I ever would have, had I stayed in Australia. I thank God for the friends I've made here and especially for all the experiences, both in secondary school and in college. It's definitely a miracle how much my life has changed in five years. I never could have imagined it this way... My God is a God of Wonders..

Anyways.. my semester started yesterday and.. I am SUCH a good student, I skipped half of my first class It was not intentional. I'll save you all from the boring details (and lame excuses) but anyways, I did go back to class after one and a half hours and I took the test she gave. So Im not that bad after all..?? Had Law in the afternoon, and it finished early.. so we went to Gangka's after class. It was great yum cha-ing with the 'family' again Amnan is back, Nava and Thevika are together, Mayyen was mad at Rosyied, Minghuiy was sms-ing SOMEONE and smiling all the way, and Derek dropped by in shorts and a cap. Yup. Life is good